Preserving a relationship…

For many years people have been getting rich off self help books. Most of these books are geared towards woman because frankly women read and are always looking for something to help them improve upon themselves. Many books focus on helping women understand men and maybe even obtain a relationship and or marriage. Steve Harvey recently released a book that shot to the top of the New York Times Best Sellers list. This book was designed to help woman understand men and secure a relationship. The irony in this is as many of you may know currently the divorce rate is over 50% in the United States but guess who files for the majority of those divorces…Women! This interested me because if women wanted relationship why are they the ones filing for divorce once they get into a relationship? After pondering this for a few hours I figured it would be a good idea to write something for the men about maintaining and securing their relationship. By no means am I saying men are the reason for ALL divorces but something happens along the duration of the relationship that causes a woman to throw in the towel, even though most desire a meaningful relationship.

The transition into marriage isn’t easy for either person but may be less stressful for the man. I say this because most women marry with hopes of change (rather that be in the relationship or the man). Men for the most part pretty much understand what they are getting (although recently I've noticed that they too have their hopes of change).


Women are pretty much groomed for the caretaker role from birth. Most women watch their mother’s or women in their life as a guide on how their role should be in a marriage. What they learn from these women is usually imbedded in a woman’s mind as what to do or what not to do in a marriage. Based on these assumptions some women assume the role as the cook, the cleaner, the care taker for the children and or the husband and could also be the primary breadwinner. Taking on one or more of these roles (even all) can be tiring for some after a long period of time. In most households both individuals work outside of the home. Two incomes are needed, so the ability and or desire to wear the home hat with the career hat requires a lot of a woman. The stresses of wearing many hats can build up resentment if the signifcant other is not helping out.

So here are a few suggestions to help men maintain and keep the relationships with their significant others. Now before we get into this list please remember that these rules are the case for MOST but not ALL. I also want to state that there are many reasons women get divorce and all of them don’t have to do with the man they were married to. Finally, as I mentioned above men are not the blame for ALL marital break-ups so don’t get your feature ruffled. These tips can be used to preserve a good marriage, help fix a bad marriage or forewarn a person who isn’t married just how much work it takes to cultivate a successful marriage.

1. Make the women feel like she is number one. Don’t ever let anything take precedence over your wife outside of God. This means video game, friends, relatives, work or even extracurricular activities. A woman needs to feel like a queen. She needs to feel like she is appreciated. Her feelings need and should be considered and if they aren’t a man should acknowledge when this occurs and be quick to correct the error.

2. A man should take interest in the things his woman is interested in. This rule is twofold. If a couples lives two different lives without them ever crossing paths their worlds will surely grow apart.

3. A woman likes a man who can take charge because women like to feel protected. Women grow up watching fairytales such as Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty…so she wants that knight in shining armor relationship. Although we grow up and discover life is not a fairytale the desire to be protected and supported by the man that loves them never fades away.

4. Being that in most homes both individuals have to work (if you are lucky and don’t…Awesome) a woman wants a man that helps out around the house, do the manly duties… i.e. take out the trash, mow the lawn, take care of the cars etc. A man that takes pride in his home and the things he owns shows a woman that he is responsible. If the man doesn’t do these things himself he should make the arrangements to have them done by someone else.

5. Be an active father. There is nothing more attractive than a man who loves his children and has no quorums with showing his love for his children. It’s important to be at events, take an interest in their lives and activities, and interact with them at home, do activities with them alone without instruction from the wife.

6. Be spontaneous with the measures of romance, affection, and appreciation. Special occasions are not the only time to show affection to your wife. Gifts should not be the same old bouquet of flowers. No need for a special occasions make it a random occasion! Actions speak louder than words. The same consideration, time and effort you enjoy that comes from your wife should reciprocate the affection.

7. Men should also understand that women are drawn to strength and confidence. This doesn’t necessarily mean being a tough guy/thug but means a man should trust his wife enough to open up completely, be sensitive, be transparent. A husband should know (or want to learn) when to be what for his wife rather than be the tough guy in control, the shoulder to cry on or to open up when something bothers him…not hold it all in.