I know that we’ve all heard this saying before but the older I get the more I come to understand and appreciate it more..."beauty is in the eye of the beholder." I’m sure you can remember when you were younger (high school or college) and you would go out with your friends to a party. If you weren’t the friend then you had a friend that seemed to always come home with phone numbers or would always capture on-lookers attention. If you weren’t the friend that got the attention maybe you thought “why didn’t I get any phone numbers?” or “why did she/he get more attention than I did?” and finally “what’s wrong with me?”. At that age the only logical assumption that made sense had to be that you were just not attractive or at least not as attractive as your friend.
As I get older I understand that what we thought was rejection had nothing to do with your “cute factor” but more to do with what individuals are attracted too. People are like art or music…just because it’s beautiful to one person doesn’t mean that it will be beautiful or enjoyable to the next. The perception of beauty is not only expressed outwardly but inwardly. Have you ever been in a rush instead of taking 30 minutes to get ready all you had was 10...you throw on whatever's clean and not wrinkled? When you arrived at your destination so many people complimented you that it made you wonder what you were doing wrong on the days you actually devoted the time. Have you ever met someone that you were attracted to but the attraction was not reciprocated? I know you’ve seen a couple and thought…"now how did they end up together?". Well it all has to do with a person’s preference nothing to do with how attractive you are.
As most of my readers know I am a student of people. I love to watch people and learn more about the way they interact. The best places to people-watch for me are the gym and the mall. While huffing and puffing on my bike in my spin class yesterday I saw this very affectionate couple going to the racquetball room. They looked as if they were in their late to mid 50’s. The man passionately rubbed the woman’s back and they smiled and talked as they walked toward the rooms. I’m sure you’ve seen couples like this before but the interesting thing about this couple was that the woman was so tanned that her blonde hair seemed to glow along side of her burnt orange skin. I thought… wow that tan is not normal but obviously he thought she looked like God’s gift.
After I exited what seemed like a forever cycling class I was gently nudged to extend my hour long workout by my workout partner. Not being a lover of the gym I hesitantly agreed. As I walked towards the dreaded leg machines I ran into a woman who unlike me obviously loves to be in the gym. Her biceps perturbed from under her tank top like rockets waiting to be launched from a ship. Her face was chiseled like a runway male model on the cat walk! My workout partner replied “wow she looks like a man!” As the women curled the dumbbell and smiled at her self in the mirror she on the other hand was obviously very pleased with her muscle toned body. I even thought aloud “how do you get guns like that”?
At my job I work with a group of ladies. When I first moved to this group it amazed me how they were so open with discussing their weight and fashion. It’s almost a daily topic. They talk openly about how much weight they’ve lost or gained and what new program they are trying to either help them maintain or lose weight. For a woman that hates to talk about her weight this situation was very uncomfortable. Over time I’ve adjusted and learned to even comment on occasion to the dreaded weight talks. In my eyes one of my teammates is very petite, but in her eyes she is not. She diets, exercises and watches what she eats religiously. She weighs herself every morning to ensure that she is maintaining her current weight. I truly admire her dedication and will power! Just this past week she made a comment about her “da-dunk-da-dunk” and I told her she needs to get rid of the “fun house” mirror in her house because obviously it has her vision skewed. We all laughed but this and all the other situations mentioned further justifies that beauty is indeed in the eyes of the beholder. What we see is not always what others see. To take this a little bit further beauty is not just skin deep but also mental, your inner perception of yourself also perpetuates outwardly through what some call an “aura”. You honestly give something off that without words speaks volumes!
So with all that being said… Put your beauty back in the Beholder’s hand because He created you uniquely beautiful. Remember it’s not what others think about you but what you think of yourself…so make it positive because without words your body is talking! There is no one like you! There will never be anyone like you! Even identical twins have different qualities that make them special and unique. Trust me on this one…two of my closet friends are identical twins. I enjoy and love their differences as well as their similarities. So embrace your uniqueness and know that there is someone out there that will love and appreciate your beauty as much as the one that created you in His likeness!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Plan for the marriage and not just the wedding!
Today I received a wonderful article by Jim Evans comparing marriage to buying and or renting a house. I know you’re thinking “marriage and buying /renting a house…what do those two things have to do with each other?” The article stated that most renter’s mentalities reflect temporary occupancy. They don’t plan on being in the house long so there is no real investment in the property. Buyers on the other hand usually have long term mentalities. They may invest in the property and even make upgrades which will increase the home’s value.
The current divorce rate is well over 50% which indicates that the majority of individuals entering into marriage do not have an “owners” mentality but that of a “renter”. For most, when the marriage isn’t working, divorce seems to be THE option but a true owner will know that the commitment is binding through the good and bad times. Owners also regard their spouses as “co-owners” and not the “landlord’ as in a renter’s situation. When a problem arises in an “owners” situation both parties roll up their sleeves to work on the problem. In a renters situation the renter looks to the landlord to fix the problems thus passing the blame to one individual without assessing themselves.
Anytime anyone asks me about marriage I always call it “a labor of love” because it is work and nine times out of ten it’s hard work! Anytime you bring two imperfect people together in a perfect union someone is going to rock the boat. Those marriages that survive the storm include the individuals that have an owner’s mentality. ..“the better or worse” kind of people. They know the value of their investment. Those that view their marriage as an investment will put in the necessary work into the relationship to reap the long term benefits.
Most people get married without a clue of what they will experience. Most views of marriage are clouded with the marriage of their parents. Unfortunately (and sometimes fortunately) you are not your parents. Some views are also skewed because they believe that marriage is the extended arm of dating, sorry to say this--but it’s not. I can’t tell you how many times have I heard (and said) “when we were dating he use to/she use to…”. For most when the words “I do” are exchanged-- the relationship changes. For most of us it is natural to go above and beyond when we are securing a relationship then it is once we know that relationship is secure (not saying it’s right but it happens).
Most also have a fairytale view of marriage, especially the first few months or the “honeymoon stage”. The reality is the first few months and even years can be the most difficult. Most divorces occur within the first few years of marriages, but be encouraged because with a little ‘sweat equity and devotion’ most homes render a good return on the investment and so is the same with marriages. A house built on a stack of cards will not stand and neither will a marriage. Work and maintenance is required for survival.
Finally, when asked for advice about marriage I always say the same thing: plan for the marriage and not just the wedding. If you’ve had a wedding ceremony you can reflect on the time you invested in choosing the colors, invitations, location, food, flowers and a host of other items needed to have a successful ceremony. A lot of time and money goes into making a beautiful, memorable event. If that same energy and time are devoted to the marriage then you may have a relationship that will withstand the test of time! As my mother use to say…”anything worth having is worth fighting for”!
The current divorce rate is well over 50% which indicates that the majority of individuals entering into marriage do not have an “owners” mentality but that of a “renter”. For most, when the marriage isn’t working, divorce seems to be THE option but a true owner will know that the commitment is binding through the good and bad times. Owners also regard their spouses as “co-owners” and not the “landlord’ as in a renter’s situation. When a problem arises in an “owners” situation both parties roll up their sleeves to work on the problem. In a renters situation the renter looks to the landlord to fix the problems thus passing the blame to one individual without assessing themselves.
Anytime anyone asks me about marriage I always call it “a labor of love” because it is work and nine times out of ten it’s hard work! Anytime you bring two imperfect people together in a perfect union someone is going to rock the boat. Those marriages that survive the storm include the individuals that have an owner’s mentality. ..“the better or worse” kind of people. They know the value of their investment. Those that view their marriage as an investment will put in the necessary work into the relationship to reap the long term benefits.
Most people get married without a clue of what they will experience. Most views of marriage are clouded with the marriage of their parents. Unfortunately (and sometimes fortunately) you are not your parents. Some views are also skewed because they believe that marriage is the extended arm of dating, sorry to say this--but it’s not. I can’t tell you how many times have I heard (and said) “when we were dating he use to/she use to…”. For most when the words “I do” are exchanged-- the relationship changes. For most of us it is natural to go above and beyond when we are securing a relationship then it is once we know that relationship is secure (not saying it’s right but it happens).
Most also have a fairytale view of marriage, especially the first few months or the “honeymoon stage”. The reality is the first few months and even years can be the most difficult. Most divorces occur within the first few years of marriages, but be encouraged because with a little ‘sweat equity and devotion’ most homes render a good return on the investment and so is the same with marriages. A house built on a stack of cards will not stand and neither will a marriage. Work and maintenance is required for survival.
Finally, when asked for advice about marriage I always say the same thing: plan for the marriage and not just the wedding. If you’ve had a wedding ceremony you can reflect on the time you invested in choosing the colors, invitations, location, food, flowers and a host of other items needed to have a successful ceremony. A lot of time and money goes into making a beautiful, memorable event. If that same energy and time are devoted to the marriage then you may have a relationship that will withstand the test of time! As my mother use to say…”anything worth having is worth fighting for”!
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